Wedding traditions can be wonderful. They connect generations, create meaningful rituals and give couples a familiar framework for one of the biggest days of their lives. But somewhere along the way, traditions can start feeling less like options and more like requirements.
The truth is, there’s no wedding rulebook requiring perfectly matched wedding parties, a white dress, a 15-minute ceremony or another hour seated at the dinner table waiting for cake. Some of Wisconsin’s wedding pros are encouraging couples to question the things they think they’re supposed to do and keep only the traditions that actually add something to the celebration. Here are four wedding “rules” they say you have permission to break.
RULE TO BREAK: BOTH SIDES OF THE WEDDING PARTY HAVE TO MATCH
Five bridesmaids? Better find five groomsmen. It’s one of those wedding conventions that makes sense aesthetically, until couples find themselves adding people simply to make a photograph look symmetrical. “There is no need to worry about everything being equal on both sides,” says Lisa Jaroscak Chin of Elegante Weddings and Events. “You should ask the people that you want to stand up in your wedding party regardless of count and not work to ‘find’ more people to add or cut people you love.”
Instead of building a wedding party around numbers, start with relationships. “Focus on the important people in your lives, not the symmetry,” Chin says. And if the visual imbalance during the ceremony bothers you, there’s an easy solution: Have the full wedding party seated, with only the maid of honor and best man standing alongside the couple. Years from now, you’re probably going to care a lot more about who stood beside you than whether both sides added up to the same number.
RULE TO BREAK: CAKE CUTTING HAS TO COME AFTER DINNER
Dinner is finished, the plates are cleared and guests are ready to mingle, grab a drink and get onto the dance floor. Then everyone waits for cake. David Porto of Blue Plate Catering thinks it might be time to reconsider that sequence. “Your guests don't want to sit at a table any longer,” Porto says of the traditional post-dinner cake cutting and plated cake service. Instead, he recommends a dessert station that allows guests to help themselves when they’re ready.
It also solves one of the frustrating realities of traditional wedding cake: Couples can spend a significant amount of money on slices that ultimately go untouched. A dessert station keeps the evening moving while allowing the catering team to focus on clearing dinner service. Couples can still have their cake-cutting moment, too. Just consider moving it earlier. “With a cake cutting before dinner, your caterer can prepare for dessert more seamlessly,” Porto says. Have the cake. Cut it. Get the photo. Just don’t feel obligated to make the entire reception stop for it.
RULE TO BREAK: YOUR CEREMONY NEEDS TO BE SHORT AND SWEET
There’s plenty of advice about keeping wedding ceremonies brief: Say the vows, exchange the rings, kiss and get everyone to cocktail hour. But Cayla Mrnik of Cayla The Painter would argue that couples shouldn’t rush through the one part of the wedding day when they’re actually getting married. “There can be so much pressure to keep the ceremony short,” Mrnik says. “I’d encourage couples not to rush the part of the day where they actually get married.”
At a recent wedding Mrnik painted, the couple shared thoughtful, detailed personal vows before also exchanging traditional vows. They weren’t short, and that was exactly what made the moment so memorable. “Their guests were given this beautiful glimpse into their relationship, what they love about one another, and the promises they were making for their future,” she says. As someone who spends wedding days quietly observing the moments unfolding around her while she paints, Mrnik has found that “some of the most memorable ones happen when couples allow themselves to linger in what matters rather than worrying about how quickly they’re ‘supposed’ to move on to the next thing.” So write the vows you actually want to say and take a second to look around at the people who came to witness them. Cocktail hour can wait a few more minutes.
RULE TO BREAK: THE WEDDING DRESS HAS TO BE WHITE
White. Ivory. Cream. Maybe champagne if you’re feeling adventurous. For all the creativity that has entered modern weddings, the bridal gown is one place where tradition still has a remarkably strong hold. Cody LaCrosse of Tandem Photography of Door County would love to see more brides give themselves permission to expand the palette. “Between colored ties, patterned linings, and bold boutonnieres, grooms have always had room to make a suit their own,” LaCrosse says. “Brides, on the other hand, have historically been told there’s one ‘correct’ color. Why stay bound by tradition?”
A wedding gown doesn’t become less bridal because it’s blush, covered in colorful florals or completely black. If anything, choosing something unexpected can make the dress an even stronger reflection of the person wearing it and create some spectacular photographs along the way. “Your wedding day is one of the only moments you get to go all out on the perfect dress,” LaCrosse says. “Don’t be afraid to stun the world with colorful florals or an all-black statement piece. If white doesn't feel like you, choose to be bold.”
RULE TO BREAK: YOUR WEDDING HAS TO PLEASE EVERYONE ELSE
If there’s one rule that ties all of this together, it’s the idea that a wedding needs to satisfy everyone else’s expectations. Porto’s advice is simple: Stop “pleasing everyone else.” “It's your wedding,” he says. “As long as you're not doing anything that makes it a horrible evening for your guests, make it fun for you.”
That might mean an uneven wedding party filled with exactly the people you love, dessert waiting for guests instead of guests waiting for dessert, an extra 10 minutes at the altar or a black gown that makes you feel incredible. Keep the traditions that mean something, reinvent the ones that almost fit and feel free to toss the rest. The goal isn’t to create a wedding that follows every rule. It’s to create one that feels unmistakably yours.
Photo by Bonphotage with Elegante Weddings & Events
