Q. What are the rules for including a guest when inviting single friends to a wedding? My fiancé and I are in our late twenties and a lot of our friends are single. We definitely want to invite them, but if we let each bring a date that will affect our budget a lot. And honestly, I don’t know if I want a friend to bring a guy she might not still be with in two months anyway.
A.You are not obligated to include a guest when inviting single friends. It’s certainly nice to do because some people feel a little uncomfortable attending a social event solo; but if it will throw your budget way off, don’t do it. I might be a little concerned if many of your single friends wouldn’t know anyone at your wedding, but it sounds like you have a group of pals who are likely to know one another so that shouldn’t be a problem. Note, however, that sometimes singles may question why no guest is included, so be prepared to explain your decision as necessary.
Q. My fiancé’s best friend is female, so she is going to be his “best woman” in our wedding. I’m wondering what she should wear. Should it match my bridesmaids or his groomsmen in some way?
A. You can go either way on this. Obviously, she wouldn’t wear a suit or tux, but her dress could be in line with the color scheme of the groomsmen. Alternatively, she could wear a dress that is similar to or complements your bridesmaids’ dresses. I would go with whichever idea you like best and think she will be most comfortable with.
Q. My parents are divorced and each has remarried. They get along pretty well and it will be fine to have them both at my wedding. The problem is my father’s wife. She’s nice, but very opinionated and starting to stick her nose into my planning. How can I tell her nicely that I don’t want her to be involved?
A. This could be a little tricky. If you make a general statement that you’d prefer to do it yourself, no matter how kindly you put it she’s likely to be hurt. You may feel that you need to take such a drastic step to save your sanity, but if not, you might be able to find less definitive ways to deal with it. For example, every time she offers her opinion you could simply smile and say, “Thanks for the idea.” Over time she’d probably get the hint, but it would be less confrontational than just telling her to butt out. Another approach is to assign her a task that you’re willing to give up a little control on. Ask her to take responsibility for it and see if that calms things down. It seems counterintuitive, but sometimes dealing with this issue in an unexpected way can be quite effective. Good luck!
Q. I’m getting married for the second time. I eloped for my first wedding and it was totally no-frills, so I would like to have a more traditional celebration this time (including wearing a white dress). My mother and best friend are telling me that this isn’t OK. They say I should have a low-key wedding because it’s a second marriage, but that seems boring to me. I’m happy about this and want to celebrate!
A. It’s true that many encore weddings are more low-key, but they certainly don’t have to be. You should absolutely celebrate your marriage. I do think, however, that it’s important to avoid unnecessary hurt or uncomfortable feelings. For example, I wouldn’t invite someone who is very good friends with your ex and might feel disloyal attending your ceremony. Beyond that, plan what feels appropriate and celebratory for you and your husband-to-be. As to wearing white, it used to be seen as a symbol of purity, therefore unsuitable for a second marriage; but that has changed, so feel free to wear as much white as you’d like.